i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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