Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
People in love make me want to vomit
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
My vagina just recognized that song.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize