This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
