Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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