No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
