Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
