saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Let's get the cat blown out
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
