i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
She's the barista slut.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize