The best revenge is premature balding
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
