I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
