we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
