Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
