I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
