remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
