cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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