and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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