Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
