Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
