Got a toothbrush?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize