as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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