My cat gives me a boner
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
