hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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