the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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