what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
