You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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