I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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