Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
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