Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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