Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
