I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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