Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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