so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize