So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
