he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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