This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
