Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Randomize
