we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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