i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
