I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
i believe in u and ur pee
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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