she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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