its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
In America we eat man semen.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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