I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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