God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
