i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
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