I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
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