she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
