She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
