areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
