Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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