Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
