so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Randomize
