there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
