smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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