u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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