i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
