i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
