Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
