Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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