Dual....:-)
I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
