Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
