Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
