in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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