I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
