I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
