a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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