just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
