My hand turned me down
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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