That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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