there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
