I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Mom said you looked used
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
