I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
