Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Best friends brother. Beat that.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
You did what with his pubic hair?
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