Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
