Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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