see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
