I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
