I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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