Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
