Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
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