where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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