I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Randomize
