I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Randomize
