i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
