I wish my penis had an off switch
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
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