I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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