YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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