Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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