Sponge bath it is.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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