Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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