i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
