My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
