True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
