I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Randomize
