My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
