On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize