Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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