i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
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