shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Send help, water and tortillas.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
