I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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