why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize