Don't you send me to vm
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
