they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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