A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
